A Pilgrim prisoners journal 06/25/2025
I felt and feel that the LORD wants me to share the following post with you. These are thoughts that come to me as I am living in prison. There is a saying I read in a book once about us prisoners. “While living in prison, it is like dying with your eyes open.” Like as if we are seeing our lives fade away little by little. And that is a very tough thing to live day by day. What do you live for? Self? Well, if I live for self while dying, what good is that? So it teaches me daily to die to myself and live for the LORD more completely everyday. It is a process, but in that process I learn that He is my peace, the LORD Jesus is my joy, He is my everything. Its the hardest lesson in my life. Think about it, willingly die to yourself, to your wants, to your plans, to your “future”. And just live day by day to do the will of God. Like I said, it aint easy, but it is liberating. It is the only way to be free of the things of this world.
Before I get to my meeting with the Chaplains on how some inmates have been wanting me to preach in English my most recent sermon that I preached to the Spanish speaking guys. I wanted to share some thoughts that have come to me over the past month or so. And some of the circumstances and situations that brought these thoughts to my mind.
1. One day as I was walking back from chow and my eyes came upon the CO’s. A thought came to my mind. I thought, look at these people. They willingly give 20-30 years of their lives to be in prison. If they do overtime, which many do, then they could be spending almost half of those 20-30 years in prison. Yes, maybe they are not an inmate. But still, they spend a huge amount of their lives in prison. What a life, huh? Talk about being a volunteer to slavery. No wonder why most of them are so grumpy and seem to take it out on us inmates. But they wouldn’t even have that job if it wasn’t for people in prison.
Where are you spending most of your life? As a slave for your work? For that house? For that car? For that vacation? For that retirement? To then die one day and leave it all behind. I would rather spend my days serving my King Jesus, because what I do in His Kingdom will last.
2. Here’s a good thought. Why do people when they are found out for being in the wrong seem to lash out at those who they did wrong? Instead of recognizing their wrong doing and apologizing or making things right. Why do they lash out at the victim as if they are the problem? Man is prideful and when we are living in pride we will not admit that we were wrong, we rather try to save face and turn a blame on the victims. No wonder why the prideful cannot repent, it is impossible to. We must become humble to repent and receive forgiveness. I can think of many people through out this trial that I have been going through for years, that would save face by putting all the blame on me. The judges, the prosecution, media, etc. So much more of course, but just so you know, the judge that condemned me would say: “It’s all your fault Jonathan Grenon”. And that was just another excuse they used to push off their fake trial anyways. When I was demanding a Trial by Jury according to Common Law the whole time, they never gave us that but even would continue to violate our rights to a Speedy trial and have the audacity to blame me. That was just one example. But not about 2 weeks ago something else happened that brought this which I am writing to my mind.
So we had gone about 2 weeks where they didn’t give us any toilet paper. (Thank God I buy some at times and use it sparingly, if not, well, you get the point) So I guess some of the inmates were desperate and had told the staff various times the need for toilet paper and they heard that the other units did get some. So I guess some of them began to “write up” in copouts what was going on and some talked to the warden about it. Then I heard he looked into it and told the staff. Then because of this we get a shakedown. Sent to the Rec. yard and they shake us down, supposedly looking for toilet paper. We come back and we get the “speech”. That yes, we have the right to get toilet paper, it is a necessity. But that it was out of their hands at the time. But since people complained to the higher ups, then now they will deal with what they can control. Like in other words, making our lives a bit harder. I wont go into details. But basically we all get punished because a few of the inmates wrote up the staff. What was the right thing to do?
In my opinion, admit that you were wrong, apologize and say give us a few days please. Talk to us, let us know. But man doesn’t like to be found out in the wrong, especially those who are in governing. And if they are, they will lash out and make your life harder or blame you. You shouldn’t have stood against the evil system Jonathan, you should have not tried to show them up for how corrupt and evil they are. Shame on you Jonathan, go to prison!!!
O yea, we didn’t get toilet paper that day. But soon there after we did.
That is why I prepare and I don’t complain about all that goes on, at least to these people. It will only make it worse on me. Others do it and it still makes it worse on all of us. So I refrain from that. I take it to God and well, let you all know what is going on. I kind of see myself as the spy for Jesus. To tell of all the evil and expose it. Gets me in trouble. The LORD exposed evil, Paul did, and so many more. I guess I am in good company.
3. Now on a more positive note. As I have been in prison and seeing all the wrong doing, not only to me but to so many others. (Don’t get me wrong, not all inmates are the best of people. There are really evil people in prison. Probably better they are in than out there.) So I was thinking about how bad the whole system is. And the Holy Spirit brought my thinking to what the LORD is doing in any corrupt and evil system. When people suffer, whether for something they did wrong or even right. It gives man an opportunity to reflect on what truly matters. A lot of the superficial things of this life fall away and as we are being emptied of ourselves, the Holy Spirit will move us to Jesus. Of course, we must be humble, hence why suffering can help us get there. So I thought, no matter how bad the system is, men were getting saved. The devil meant all this evil in this system to destroy, but the more mankind suffers, the closer we can come to the LORD Jesus Christ. So for that I am grateful. That suffering, persecution and being hated has brought more people to Christ. You see, the LORD knows who are His and I am one of His. So He trusts me, not because I am so great or anything, but because I am His. And when I am His, His Spirit is what works through me. So it is not of me, none of it is, it is all of the LORD Jesus Christ. Because I know what Jonathan would do without the Lord guiding me, I lived that already and it wasn’t good. Therefore the LORD allows more to be put on His sons and daughters, as an ensample for the world to see Him through us. All we have to do is trust Him and the serving happens supernaturally.
4. Unit E-3 I hear from many people that this is the best unit to be in, here in this prison. This is where I am stationed at this time, in this mission that my LORD has put me on. Here is an example of this unit. There is more unity in this unit than most. And I give credit to the LORD for this. As we serve others and get along with everyone, of every culture and color, it brings unity. You see, I hate the word racism, used to cause division, just as the devil would. Are we not all of one race? So how can I call another man or woman another race because of their color? Its wrong!!!
So here is what happened about a week ago and the follow up. The A/C was out for a few days and it has been really hot in Mississippi. So I hear noises and commotion and go out of my cell to see if we are getting locked down. But I see a bunch of guys standing around the door way, and the boots of the female CO coming out of the door way. So I go up and see her on the ground passed out. But inmates were running to the other unit(which if there is no move, we are not allowed to) and making noises to get the attention of any staff to alert them of the trouble. The CO had passed out due to the heat. I looked and made sure her back was rising to see if she was breathing and she was. But the inmates got the attention of the staff and quickly they came running and helped her. They took her out on a stretcher and of course, yep, we got locked down. That’s just procedure.
I want you to know this happened about 2 weeks after the toilet paper incident and us being treated a bit more “strictly”. We could all had been bitter and done nothing for the CO. But what most people don’t realize is that those who suffer more are more likely to help someone in need. So although most people see prisoners as second class people or even worse, more like animals. Sometimes, just sometimes, they might be the one who saves a life.
So yesterday the Warden and his staff came to thank us and to say our unit is very well kept and they all thanked us for what we did. He did say that the CO is doing well and will be back to work soon. O yea, and we also got popcorn. We do love popcorn so it was nice. Might seem like a little for everyone out there, but it meant something to us.
(Update 06/25/25: The CO that fainted returned to work at this unit last night and called everyone to tell us she is thankful and appreciates what we did for her. She said she didn’t want to say much because she was about to cry. She said that she knows that she is an officer and a woman and for us to be so kind and respectful to her, well she was thankful. Also that we were like the first responders. I could see it touched her heart. I did say to her personally that we are happy she is ok and I and a few guys were praying for her).
5. After preaching my most recent sermon on the great whore of Babylon which I did in Spanish. Some of the guys in the English speaking services wanted me to preach the same message to them. But usually only the Chaplains preach and anyone that they invite from the outside. I go every so often to hear their messages. The Chaplains are believers and I have heard some pretty good messages from them and the people they have invited. I am also very appreciative of how the Chaplains do things here for us inmates. In my view they go above and beyond what most Chaplains would do. One of the things that I have learned in my life is when someone speaks that has had the same or a similar experience as yourself, you will see that in the way they bring their message. It will resonate more with you than someone giving the same message but that hasn’t lived the experience. I think this might be one of the reasons why in the Spanish services there seems to be a steady movement of the Holy Spirit. The inmates preaching there are not paid to do it and have and are living in times of suffering. And the inmates listening can relate to another inmates testimony. It makes it more personal coming from an inmate who God has changed, than an officer. I am not saying that God hasn’t or isn’t working in the lives of the officers. We humans just relate better to those who have lived what we have lived.
So Eddie mentioned to the Chaplains that men wanted to hear my message and the Chaplain said tell him to come on by to talk with him. So I went a few days later in the morning, this past Monday the 23rd. He called another Chaplain in and they both were kind of saying we heard about your message and it is mostly on idolatry, correct? Yes sir, I said. I saw that they were struggling to give me a straight answer, So I said I will make your decision easier on you, let me talk about what I am led to preach and then make your decision. One Chaplain said, that it wouldn’t affect his decision. I said, O yes it will. So I gave them my testimony and an overview of the sermon on the great whore and to come out of her. I could see in their faces, the big NO. One asked me, do you think it was worth continuing your mission that brought you to prison? I said more know about it now and yes, whether I see the fruits of it now or not. They were respectful and seemed interested in hearing me and did. But of course they said stick to teaching in the Bible studies and preaching in Spanish. So no preaching to the English inmates at this time. I basically ended our conversation by saying: Brothers, one day all of us are going to be tried for our faith. What is first for you, serving the LORD Jesus Christ or your job? Thats on you both to decide. I already did decide. (Joshua 24:15) I said that signs of a disciple of Christ is suffering, being persecuted and hated for His name sake.
JD