Newsletter: Is gratitude your attitude? PART 1
“Update”
Before I go into the Newsletter, I must first give you all an update.
Around a month ago, mom came and visited me. Thanks to God and everyone who has been praying and supporting us, God allowed the visit to take place and it was great. When mom saw me for the first time, she didn’t even recognize me. We hugged, kissed and cried.
During our 2-day visit, we talked about so many things. Besides talking about my family and crying off and on. There is something that mom said to me that really stands out, burnt in my mind. I was crying and telling mom that I just don’t understand anything. How Jordan and I have had to go through so much more suffering and hurt. Although I am thankful to God that Joe and dad are out, I still ask myself and the LORD for that matter, why? Lord, why does Jordan, I and our families suffer so much? Why in the whole time we have been kidnapped, have we had it so much harder in every aspect? Not to take away the suffering of Joe and dad and their families, because they have suffered and much… Heck, dad’s heart about gave out. And Joe had a baby girl while being locked up. So don’t get me wrong here, I am grateful for what the LORD has done for them although the evil one, Satan, has tried so hard to install envy, jealousy, anger, and bitterness and more evil things in my heart. But let’s not get into the Newsletter yet, because we will cover a bit of heart trouble in it.
Well, I will try to explain what I mean about Jordan and I suffering in various ways a bit more, please don’t take it for complaining because I have done enough of that. Jordan complaining less than me of course, I seem to be a bit more expressive, similar to king David and the prophet Jeremiah. Heck even more guys in the Bible for that matter.
Jordan and I were locked up for about 1 and a half years in a cell, and not together all of that time. Thank God we roomed together after some months apart. But think about it people. In a cell, during the Plandemic times, for 23-35 hours every day before getting out for 1 hour to call the family(if the lines weren’t long), a 7 minute phone call, a few messages and a shower. Then they began to let us out 2 hrs. a day, then worked their way up to 4 hours a day. And that stayed like that for maybe over a year and something. If you have read some of the things that I have written in the past you will see the suffering we have gone through.
But let’s get back to what mom said when I was talking to her about how much more Jordan and I have suffered and why. She said: “Jon, as you are saying this to me, I feel the LORD telling me that He is not finished with you yet” It might not be the answer we want at times, but it is the truth, God is not done with me yet. In prison for that matter. Because If He was, I wouldn’t be here. He alone is in control over everything. SO, He has allowed this. I guess it’s not that I need an answer to feel better, I just want this chapter of my life to end, but it wont until He says so. SO, I have to accept this, even though at times I hate this chapter.
After mom left, I did feel the “high” of the emotions for a few days, which is awesome, then life goes back into the same routine and control. No freedom. And from the “high” to the low is a very hard drop. So, it can lead to depression, anger, anxiety, sadness, etc. So, I just tried to get back into my routine, the one where I can stay separate from most of this system and its ways.
Now, I want to also give you a short view of my visit with 3 of my 5 boys, my wife and her mother.
The morning of Nov. 16th I was called to visit at 9:30 am and when I got to the visitation room, they ended up turning me around because the family wasn’t cleared yet and would have to come back after 11 am. As I headed back to the Unit, I was like, “the story of my life”, but with a bit of choice words. Then almost immediately I said: Sorry LORD, I am just frustrated, but I am at least grateful that I still have the chance to see them. SO I waited and was called at 11 am and when I walked through the visitation door, I looked to my right and saw JD look up and say, “my dad, hey there is my dad! So, after I gave my ID to the Co, I hugged Milagro, JD and Sham and cried holding my boys. Then I sat down and Sham was next to me and I kept hugging him and JD was like in shock and Sham crying because he couldn’t talk (He cried for about an hour and talked very little, so I would hug and kiss him and tell him its ok buddy, daddy’s here.) Then I looked and coming back from buying a few snacks was my wife and my baby boy Jack. She said here is daddy Jack and I said come here and let me hug you and he came to me and I cried hugging my baby boy for the first time in his life. He took to me right away and I sang Happy BD to him so he could hear my voice and he smiled and right away knew that it was daddy. (I have sung this to him over the phone since he was a baby) I really can’t express all the emotions that we felt, it seems like a blur at the moment, but there are a few things that really stood out to me. My wife and mother-in-law found me to be in good health and said I didn’t look any older than when I was taken. Just the long beard and hair, but my face does not look older. I can only say that it has to be the blessings of God. Like Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. They were healthier and looked better because they found favor in the sight of God, for being obedient. So, I can say that is the case in my situation, God has been so good to me. Because it makes no sense that I should look healthy and good. The stress and abuse over the years is indescribable, and as for the food, well I have said much on that before. But God has been so good to us, even though we don’t deserve it. He has touched so many people’s hearts to help us and it has done just that. Yes, I have had to push myself. I have had to exercise for mental and physical health, I have had to fast and pray not only for mental and physical health but also spiritual. I have had to be disciplined on what and how I eat, how I live and so forth. But all around I can say that I am stronger physically, mentally (Although this is my biggest weakness) and most importantly stronger spiritually.
When you are living in the furnace of affliction, you don’t seem to see yourself in a better state. But those outside the “bubble” can. So, it is good to hear that from them and it encourages one to push themselves even more. Like I said in the past about MMS and many other natural remedies, and it applies to all areas of life. Consistency is key!!! We tend to be consistent with bad things and are surprised when things fall apart in our lives. But if we apply being consistent with good things on a daily basis and little by little increase more and more, you will see the results in due time. Here it is harder in some ways but easy in others. So be consistent in well doing… First towards God and others, then yourselves last. Its working for me!!!, I guess…
Ok, now a few things that have stood out for me before and during my family’s visits.
My wife, boys and mother-in-law were supposed to come in October and had pretty much everything planned, but because of hurricane Helene, they had to cancel just days before the planned visit. It kind of made me think, well I wonder why the LORD doesn’t want my family with me, there is always something happening in my case. I came to find out that only 4 people were allowed per visit and I had 5-6 coming. So, it gave me time to request a Special Visit for more than 4 people and it was approved the week of the visit. So we were able to be together, 5 in total. So, if the first planned visit wasn’t canceled, we would have had to split visits and that would not only have been harder for my family, but not all together. Not to mention the very dangerous hurricane that wreaked havoc. God knew that and also the dangers of that hurricane. It’s so sad to see how many people lost their lives and loved ones, our prayers go out to them.
Jack, my baby boy of 4 years old took to me so well. Also, when we were praying before they left, Jack would say yes daddy, yes daddy, yes daddy to everything I was praying for, while I was in tears thanking God for their visit and all He is doing in our lives. Jack would wipe away my tears when I was crying. And He began to cry when everyone was crying that they had to leave. The hurt in my babies’ eyes drives me to fight and seek justice. Not vengeance, that is God’s, but to seek righteousness, we are commanded to… Daddy loves you, Jack.
Jd, my 9 year old was so excited to see me and would talk the whole time and would do pushups and we would arm wrestle also. He is my workout boy, like his daddy. But he said something that brings me to tears just thinking about it. I said Jd, God says that the vengeance is His, not ours. So, we have to do right and let God take care of it. He will bring justice and the evil people will be punished, but God knows how, we don’t. And JD said, “Dad, I want God to punish them but not so hard on them so it doesn’t hurt them that much”. I was taken back. Here is a kid who has had his heart ripped out because of what they have done to his dad. Over 4 years without his daddy, and he still wants God to “take it easy on them” That’s a child that loves mercy and grace. It makes me not want to be bitter, how could I ruin such a pure heart like that? I cant. I won’t. I will love even if I hurt so much, I will not hate these people. I will pray for them. I will still hurt and question God at times, I am weak. But hate, I don’t want it.
The love of a child is so beautiful, we must become as a child as Christ said. Thanks, JD, for your strong and loving heart…Daddy loves you JD
O my Shamcito, my lovely son. When he was crying for so long, I didn’t say much but just hugged and kissed him. The pain he has endured is so sad to see in his eyes. But God won’t forget those tears, not the tears and the hurts of the innocent, He will not despise. He will repay, My God will repay. At one point to get Sham’s mind off of the emotional shock. I asked him if he knew John 3:16? my favorite verse. He looked up and nodded his head yes and quoted it. And said that is my favorite verse too daddy. Daddy loves you Sham, keep that beautiful heart just the way you are now.
My wife said we might not know all why the LORD has allowed this to happen to you. But we know that you have helped so many people come to know God. What might have been bad for you has been good for others. Maybe many bad and hardened men who haven’t heard of the LORD or cared to, now do because of your suffering. It isn’t wasted.
My mother in law was telling me about how so many people in the Dominican Republic that love me and are praying for me. So many people from where I grew up have faith that God is doing something great in me.
If I could sum up and put together all the emotions I feel after seeing my mother, wife, mother-in-law and 3 of my 5 boys, it would have to be gratitude.
I am so very thankful to God and everyone who made this happen. Whether people prayed or donated, or both for that matter. It all worked out. Now for the Newsletter.
PART II the Newsletter coming soon!
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